


the right to call it home

by clumsyclouds



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Gay Poe Dameron, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Poe Dameron, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Sunrises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22241047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clumsyclouds/pseuds/clumsyclouds
Summary: the war is over and the dust is settling, in the midst of celebration the sun rises upon a peaceful world. poe finds out something about finn that he already knew.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 21
Kudos: 176





	the right to call it home

**Author's Note:**

> a little broken, a little new. we are the impact and the glue.  
> capable of more than we know, we call this fixer upper home.
> 
> smaller than dust on this map lies the greatest thing we have:  
> the dirt in which our roots may grow and the right to call it home
> 
> north - sleeping at last

Under normal circumstances, Poe liked parties. He liked the atmosphere of happy people mixing together with sad people who pretended to be happy and happy people who pretended to be sad, which were a different breed entirely. He liked drinking until he couldn’t walk, think or act straight. Most of all he loved forgetting the whole business afterwards.

To be clear, he wasn’t much for self-pity, but he’d say—with a clean conscience—that he’d had a bad life. Not all his life had been bad, some parts he cherished deeply, but many parts were difficult to think about, which was why forgetting always felt so cathartic. If he couldn’t forget the horrors of his life he could at least forget the mistakes of the previous night. 

As mentioned, these things happened under normal circumstances, but the galaxy was at war. Normal circumstances temporarily ceased to exist. 

There was never any time for parties during a war, especially not for him. Not to mention that with so many dead after each battle he had to ask himself, what could they possibly be celebrating even when they win? Does anyone ever _really_ win a battle or a war? 

Poe took a sip from the sweet drink he couldn’t remember nor pronounce the name of. It wasn’t very strong, but warm on the way down, which was good enough. He didn't want to drink himself to the point of amnesia. For once, he didn't want to forget a single thing. The sun was on its way up, the first sunrise to rise over a world of peace in a very long time. He expected it to become one of those memories that kept him going whenever his life seemed dark.

While the party had been at its busiest, right before dawn broke, Poe discreetly snuck away into a little path he’d found off to the side of the camp. It lead up to a small cliff face that overlooked the horizon, albeit through the plentiful and green foliage. He deemed the view good enough. Not that he'd expect to find a better one before the sun rose.

Poe sat down and let his legs dangle over the edge as the first faint, golden rays shone across the still dark sky above. He could still hear the music and shouting of the celebration, but it was muted and at a comfortable enough distance for him to relax and enjoy his own company. 

After a few more minutes of waiting the sun had come further up from the horizon. The subtle yellow had turned into bright and burning orange. As it shone through the leaves and bushes it shimmered like a pot of molten gold. With a smile, he took off his jacket, closed his eyes and let the warmth spread over his arms and face. He thought to himself, if he could only pause time and stay like this, just for a while, then he’d have almost, _almost_ everything he’d wished for. It was a long time ago since he’d been this close to true serenity.

With the violent snap of wood the silence broke, but before he had the time to go into panic mode a familiar voice rose over his instantly pumping blood. 

“Poe Dameron, I never took you for one to flee the party.”

His eyes opened again and he smiled. “I guess there are lots of things you don’t know about me.” He turned around with one eyebrow arched. One thing was for certain, Poe simply _refused_ to let Finn know that he’d been scared. Finn might think he’s become soft and they couldn’t have that, could they?

Although, Poe suspected that they both knew it very well already.

“Stop pretending to be mysterious,” Finn scolded. 

Poe snorted and leaned back, placing his hands slightly behind him to support his weight. “I _am_ mysterious! I’m, like, _so_ mysterious.”

Poe was _not_ mysterious. 

When his slip-up became evident he spoke instead, to hide the way his ears heated up. They must’ve become red. At least, a bit. “Anyway, why’d you come here?”

Finn bit his lower lip and stopped swinging his leg. “Well, I could ask you the same thing.”

Poe couldn’t quite figure out what his body language meant, although he’d probably find out soon enough and decided to give it another minute or two.

“Fair enough,” he said with a shrug and they left it at that. Perhaps they both just happened to want some peace and quiet, who would Poe be to judge that?

They settled into a comfortable silence and watched the leaves rustle with the gentle breeze, watched the sun shine brighter and brighter, the sky turn bluer and bluer with each passing moment and Poe found himself unable to think of a single better place to be.

While trying to be somewhat discreet, Poe looked to his left. Finn’s eyes were closed, just as his own had been a moment ago. The man was completely basking in the light as if drinking it up. His smile looked so at peace, so content and Poe couldn’t help but stare. Not that that was Poe’s fault. If anything, it was Finn’s. 

Maybe the thought was a bit cliché, but he couldn’t help to think that the sun should consider itself lucky to shine on Finn’s face. Just as Poe was lucky to be watching it.

“Why are you staring at me?” Finn asked, expectant and knowing, like he’d caught Poe in a lie.

In an attempt to scramble together some sense of dignity Poe made up the closest thing to an answer he could think of. “Your eyes are closed, why do you think I’m staring at you?” he sputtered. “I’m not staring, why would you think that?”

“A feeling.” Finn’s eyes opened. His smile turned smug. “You _are_ staring.”

“Well, yeah, _now_ I’m staring, ‘cause you...well...but I wasn’t staring _then!_ ” With his eyes turned back to the sunset he blamed it for the way his face became warm, for the speed of his heart, for the way it felt as though the rug had been pulled from under his feet. Why did he always become such a bad liar around Finn? Stupid Finn with stupid feelings and a stupid, pretty face. 

“Hey, I have a better question, Mr. Feeling, did you want something or did you just come here to annoy me?”

In an instant, Finn tensed up. His eyes shot forward and his hands went straight into his lap. He pretended not to be fidgeting, scratched the back of his hand and then ran his knuckles over each other. He did it all very slowly, as if that would make it any less noticeable. Poe would consider himself proud over getting back at Finn, if not for the fact that he worried before he could feel even the slightest bit smug.

He wanted something, that must be it, but it couldn’t have been urgent or Finn would’ve already spit it out. Did BB-8 blow up? Did R2-D2 blow _something_ up? Had someone survived Exegol? Were there any remaining Star Destroyers? 

“Is something wrong?” he asked, now turning himself to face Finn.

“Wrong?” he replied, meeting Poe’s pointed stare. He seemed lost, eyebrows knitting themselves together, but finally something clicked and he shook his head with a deep and tired sigh. “Oh, _that_ kind of wrong. No. Everything’s been fine as far as I know.”

Poe nodded, but Finn’s fidgeting had, if anything, only increased. 

“Then what?”

Finn hesitated. His teeth worried his bottom lip to the point where Poe worried he might break skin. It almost seemed he might not say anything at all, but then....

“So many people died yesterday,” he said, his leg had found purchase somewhere below and was now bouncing up and down with no end in sight. “So many of them must’ve had unfinished business. Things they never told people. Chances they never took. So many of them must’ve had family, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands that they never got to say goodbye to.”  
  


Poe looked away over the horizon and tried to not let the memories of his dead friends overwhelm him. Could he not have _one_ day of peace before burying his friends? “That’s one way to be a buzzkill.”

Finn sighed and clenched his fists. “What I’m trying to say is that...it made me realise something. I...I don’t want to keep secrets anymore. If something happens to me and I don’t tell anyone then...it’s just gone and...I don’t want to be gone.”

_Oh._

It clicked in Poe’s head and the tension melted away. He smiled, small and careful, hoping to instill some comfort. “What’s gonna happen? The war is over.”

Finn didn’t smile back. In fact, the frown grew deeper. “Don’t say that.”

Poe leaned back at the blunt response. “Why not?”

“Because things happen all the time. It doesn’t matter if there’s a war or not.”

His mouth opened and closed, that slight sting of saying the wrong thing pierced his chest. “Of course,” he said, quiet and a tiny bit ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

He couldn’t say that he didn’t know the feeling. He always wondered what he’d say in his last moments, what he’d regret _not_ saying, so on, so forth. He thought about the people he never made his peace with, and that he’d never be able to make peace with. He wondered if they were alright, assuming there was an afterlife. The stars knew, Poe was far from sure of its existence. 

“So, what did you want to say?” he continued. 

Finn waited, continued worrying his lip. The humming of the forest seemed to quiet down and Poe couldn’t help but notice the flecks of gold in his dark eyes as the sun reflected in them. They brewed with something nervous and scary and Poe wondered, what was he so afraid of?

Something made him hold his breath, but he couldn’t tell if it was the anticipation or the sudden silence. Both seemed to be things he only made up in his own head. Then again, if he looked carefully, it almost looked as though Finn was holding his breath as well.

“When me and Jannah blew up the command ship I fell.” His shoulders seemed less weighed down for a moment, but just as tense. “I grabbed a hold of her weapon, but a minute longer and I would’ve slipped right off that ship and it was like they all say. I saw my life flash in front of my eyes and I realised that there was something I’d never told anyone.”

Finn turned to meet Poe’s eyes. “Someone I never said goodbye to.”

His heart began racing as if there was some life-threatening danger, but there wasn’t and he knew how ridiculous he was being. There was only him, Finn and the sun.

“Oh?” he said. There was a lump in his throat and Poe didn’t dare look away. “Who?”

Rose? No, they’d spoken right before they split up. Rey? It wasn’t impossible, but Poe also wasn’t a fool. He knew it wasn’t right. Jannah? Oh, for God’s sake, they were on the ship _together._ He would’ve had plenty of time to say goodbye if he’d wanted to. Chewie? BB-8? Okay, now he was just being plain ridiculous. It wasn’t a puzzle, it wasn’t a mystery.

No, Poe knew exactly who he meant. Maybe that was what scared him, what made him so afraid to be honest about it.

“Poe, I—”

From behind them came a guttural wail, interrupting whatever Finn was going to say. Chewie appeared from behind the trees, asking why they weren’t at the party. At least, that’s how BB-8 translated it, who’d also come along to summon them.

Poe sighed and waved him away. “We’re coming, Chewie.”

He and the droid seemed satisfied enough and stomped off back to camp. Poe’s gaze followed them as they disappeared behind the bushes and his vision and only then did he turn back to Finn.

“You were saying?” he asked, but Finn wasn’t looking at him anymore. 

_Look at me,_ he wanted to say. _Say it,_ he wanted to add, but the silence had gone. Their isolated little bubble had burst and Poe looked away, cut his losses. Simple as that.

Finn swallowed whatever he’d been planning to say and stood up. “Nothing. It wasn’t important.”

Poe, albeit with the feeling of a missed opportunity and regret, heaved himself up as well and quickly threw on his jacket. The sun had mostly risen anyway. Finn’s eyes still lingered on the far distance where the green disappeared behind the curvature of the planet. 

If the guy couldn’t say it, then perhaps Poe could offer a tiny shove in what he hoped to be the right direction. Even though he knew it was a risky move, he grabbed a hold of Finn’s hand and pulled him along the path and away from the cliff where they’d sat. 

“Come on. Can’t let Chewie wait, can we? I’m sure the others are wondering where we’ve gone as well.”

“Huh, yeah,” he replied and stumbled along a few steps behind, like he couldn’t quite find his footing.

Finn’s hand was so soft and so gentle in Poe’s.

.-::-.

A couple of hours later and the party had _actually_ died. Everyone was either sleeping or barely keeping their eyes open. Finn and Poe belonged to the latter group, albeit not as severely tired as the rest. They had enough consciousness to spectate the field of tired soldiers ahead of them. Who could blame them for falling asleep on the dancefloor? After everything, they deserved it.

Rey had found a comfortable place on top of Chewbacca’s chest who was leaning against one of the control units. They were both snoring. Loudly enough to occasionally jolt one of the people sleeping nearby awake. All of them naturally fell back into sleep not even a second later. R2-D2 quietly rolled around picking up bottles, cans and other miscellaneous junk the party had left behind. D-O and BB-8 followed along, quietly beeping and talking. In the far distance Poe saw two pilots he’d forgotten the names of conversing with tired smiles, one of them fell asleep in the middle of the other’s sentence and rested her head on the other.

“It’s been a good time, hasn’t it?” Finn said, leaning on the Falcon’s boarding ramp next to Poe.

Poe turned with a sigh. “Well, I had a good dance with Zorii, I got to see Chewie dance for the first time. Even you were dancing.” Poe chuckled at the memory. He wasn’t a bad dancer for a stormtrooper, he’d admit. “I’d say it was a major success.”

Finn rolled his eyes and sat up, arms resting on his bent knees and skimming over the crowd. Commander D’Acy had just woken up, smacking her lips and rubbing her forehead before trudging into one of the ships. 

“I didn’t mean the party,” he said. 

“Oh.” Poe paused for a moment and sat up, mirroring Finn. “Yeah, uhm...yeah, well, except for all the killing and fighting and crashing and falling into quicksand and the torture and the near-death situations and the constant running from the First Order and fighting the Sith then...yeah.”

Their eyes met and while Finn looked somewhat unsettled he didn’t seem uncomfortable. 

“It was a good time. After all, I found you, didn't I?”

Finn smiled, cautious, but genuine and suddenly the silence was back as if it never left. The fading of all the background noises and distractions, of anything that wasn’t them. He felt goosebumps all over his skin and he thought, this is where Finn finally says it. 

“I don’t even really mean the war, I was scared _all the time_ and we lost so many good people, but it gave me something to fight for, something to live for. I’ve never felt more alive than in these past years and I don’t think I could’ve done it without you. I _know_ I couldn’t have done it without you. I wouldn’t even _be_ here without you.”

Poe nodded, the corners of his mouth rising into a smile. “Yeah, I’m glad you found me,” he said. 

“I think we found each other,” Finn replied, quiet and soft like nobody else was supposed to hear them. He took a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling with it, like he was finally letting go of something. 

“So, uhm, that person I was going to say goodbye to,” he continued, going back to fidgeting.

“Yes?”

“What if that person doesn’t...feel the same way?”

It wouldn’t be difficult for Poe to stretch out his hand, to take Finn’s hand and say what they were both so hesitant to spell out in the open. Poe knew, by God, he _knew,_ but he still couldn’t speak clearly. 

_It needs to be Finn,_ he thought in the back of his head. 

“I think you know he does.”

Finn shifted, moved, seemed to lean forward and Poe did the same. He wasn’t sure he could’ve controlled it, anyway. Not even if he’d tried or wanted to try. It was like gravity. He’d only ever felt like this once before and that was a long, long time ago. So many worlds and lifetimes ago. It was barely a memory. The lightness in his stomach, the tingling in his fingertips, the feeling like you’re stood at the edge of a cliff, about to fall head first and not caring in the slightest. Most of all, the silence, the complete and utter isolation from the outside world. It was a brittle bubble and he knew that, but what a complete and sweet place to be. 

“He?” Finn’s eyebrows scrunched together for half a second, as if Poe couldn’t have known, as if it all wasn’t so obvious.

“You know.... He wanted to say goodbye, too.”

“Really?” Finn licked his lips, swallowed the lump in his throat, though it looked like it hadn’t worked. His Adam’s apple kept bobbing up and down.

“Mhmm,” he replied and made eye contact. It was like sparks up his spine, bats hammering in his stomach and flowers blooming in his chest. He’d never seen eyes so earnest and beautiful, not ones that looked at him with such care, such adoration, as though he actually deserved all of it and more.

“When the ships stopped working and everyone was falling, he thought that was it, game over. When he heard you were still on that command ship he flew as fast as the ship would let him, he wished that he’d said goodbye before the battle, because...he wasn’t sure he’d ever see you again.”

“Poe,” Finn whispered, leaning in closer. 

With the final ounces of his own self-restraint Poe leaned back, only by an inch. “No,” he said, “you have to say it. I know, but I need you to spell it out for me.”

“Why?” 

With the other’s eyes full of worry and uncertainty Poe knew he needed to be clearer. His hands drifted up to the collar of Finn’s jacket, holding it so gently, but making it very clear that he wouldn’t let go. Nothing would interrupt them now. He refused to let anything scare this away. He needed it, he _deserved_ it after everything. They both did. 

“Because I’ve always known, but you haven’t. Meaning...I need this to be you. I need you to mean it.”

After a moment’s hesitation he seemed to finally have made up his mind. His eyes got that determined look they always got whenever he’d finally made a decision and Poe waited patiently, but with the small fear in the back of his head that he’d faint in a moment.

“Okay.” Finn nodded, determined and scared, all in one breath. “Okay.”

Warm hands cupped his cheeks and the grip on Finn’s collar tightened. His hands almost shook. 

“Poe Dameron,” he said and it sounded so sweet coming from his lips, “I love you. I love you and it’s the most terrified I’ve ever been, but I know that’s a good sign.”

“I love you, too.” And it was simple, no catch, no other shoe waiting to drop. Just love. 

“Can I kiss you now?” Finn asked.

“Yes,” he replied, though it sounded more like a breath.

Poe’s eyes slipped shut of their own accord, his heart beating fast again, he felt the rush of adrenaline pumping through his blood like a river once the ice melts. One second he waited and the next Finn’s lips were on his and it was like being knocked straight into a wall. The dizziness that came after, the feeling like all the all the air had been expelled from his lungs, like the whole world stopped for just a minute. Bustling with colours, exploding, bombarding, shattering, overwhelming his senses with everything warm that he could call love and home.

Any and all coherent thoughts melted away and all he could feel, hear, taste or think of was FinnFinnFinn. It was sweet like the drink he’d had earlier that same night and it was so much better than he could ever have imagined in his wildest dreams. It was petrifying and it made him shake so hard he thought he’d turn to dust and he wouldn’t give it up for the world.

Once they parted, Poe could feel the puff of Finn’s breath on his lips—warm, insistent, gentle—and he could feel their foreheads pressing together. With the opening of eyes reality faced them head on and he wasn’t scared.

“Hello,” he said, because it was new. All of it was so new and a new world lies ahead of them.

Finn smiled, even laughed a little. “Hello.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated <3 have a good one!


End file.
